Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Social Inadequacy

Due to my continued high stress levels right now, I'm a lot more sensitive than I normally am. I cry...alot. Social situations are more difficult. Small talk is a strain. Conversations with people that haven't been seen for a long time contain awkward silences. Am I getting old and cratchity?

My mom is doing very well with her cancer treatment. In April, she stated that she was not having a Fourth of July party. My immediate family began looking forward to a leisurely holiday at home. Yesterday, my mom told me that she is now planning on a Fourth of July party. There has been a lot of strain between my siblings in the last year. One sister left her husband and eventually filled for divorce, creating awkward situations. My mom's treatment has caused several other instances of discord among her various children. I haven't been involved in the disagreements, but find the family get-togethers stressful. My bil who is getting divorced is hosting a graduation party for my sister's oldest son in 2 weeks. Family ties would be severed if my family doesn't attend his party. I also want to be supportive of my sister's children. But the bottom line is that I don't want to go to another family party two weeks later in early July. I'd like some breathing room.

Because the van has been scrapped, we no longer own transportation that holds all family members. Keeping my husband's 5 seater Altima for the day involves 3 hours of driving. Making 4 trips to my mom's house (to transport all the kids and myself) is another 2 hours of driving. Selfishly, I don't want to drive 8 hours on the interstate on the 4th of July. If I don't go to my mom's she will be hurt. We will probably end up going to her party. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Next year is going to be better.


Kari said...

Surely this is just a season and it will pass. Hang in there!

As a family today we reviewed Ecc. 3... It helps.

A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Sending hugs,

Barb the Evil Genius said...

That's a difficult situation. I am disappointed because my sister is not coming to my daughter's confirmation because her in-laws will be in town. However, this sister is my daughter's godmother, and I feel a confirmation ought to take a higher priority than a simple visit from her in-laws. Oh well. I don't think this sister and I have a relationship anymore anyway.

Karen said...

Kari, Thanks for the encouragement. I know that this is just a difficult season in my life and that God will continue to protect and care for me and my loved ones.


I want to clarify that I would not end the relationship with my sister, but she would end contact with my family. She has been in a "mid-life crisis" for the last 6 years, since my dad died. Since that time, when she is angry with someone, she ends all contact and is very vindictive. Two years ago, she was mad at me and refused to speak to me for over a year. It would devastate my mom and my children if we had a falling out.

Glenda said...

((((hugs)))))) and lots of prayers for you Karen. What a yucky choice to have to make with no good one seemingly in sight. May God grant you peace and work it all out for good.

Karin said...

Karen, I understand in the 'what you are saying makes sense' sort of way. My stress is not your stress, but frankly sometimes little stressors pile up at times and make us feel a little like we are coming unglued. This is not my advice but advice given to me - avail yourself of the Gospel as often as opportunity presents itself and perhaps even chat with your pastor (maybe your husband is your pastor - I can't remember). Chatting with my pastors when I am feeling nutzo and on edge has helped me a great deal. Remember Jesus is your champion Karen! Hugs from Karin

Barb the Evil Genius said...

I didn't mean to say my situation was analogous with yours, Karen. In my case, my sister has been pulling away from me for years. I was hoping the confirmation would be an occasion for reconciliation, but it won't.

Karen said...


It is so hard when family relationships become strained. Family members can inflict more pain on each other than anyone outside of the family circle. I'll pray for you and your sister. Hang in there!