Friendship

It's been several months since I have taken any time to regularly converse with friends, let alone spend an afternoon visiting with one. Last week, I selfishly spent one morning and one afternoon with a friend. (Melinda, I still NEED to see you soon!) It was such a nice change.

Wednesday morning, a friend who will live 20 minutes away after we complete our upcoming move came by with her two daughters and her youngest son. Madelyn had such a good time connecting with her friends! Of course, I enjoyed chatting with a similarly-minded adult.

Watching the girls enjoy the morning together made me think about the different friends that we will leave behind. Madelyn has a variety of playmates near our current home, but none of these relationships have the uncomplicated friendship that she enjoys with her homeschooled friends. I've noticed that the neighborhood children spend a lot of time and energy competing with each other to be "top dog" in the neighborhood pack. The neighborhood children also try to control the acceptability of other friends. one girl frequently remarks that if you are her friend, you are not allowed to play with certain other children. She also threatens to punish individuals if she is not obeyed. Her parents and teachers call her a leader. She doesn't lead; she dominates.

I realize that many people consider this girl's behavior a normal stage of child development, but I disagree. Almost all of the homeschooled children of my acquaintance don't behave in this manner. They have been taught to think about other people's needs and feelings. They are taught this behavior through observing their parent's social interactions and through discussions with their parents. This is NOT to say that all children who attend traditional schools are mean dictators who try to run everyone else's lives.

It's possible that the children who treat others with respect do so because they value the time that they spend with their peers. My children don't spend 8 continuous hours with the same group of children each day. They are all involved in various activities and lessons with other children. Our home tends to be the place where the neighborhood children hang out, so we see a lot of kids everyday. But the time that is spent with friends is cherished as a special time during the day. Just as I cherish an afternoon gab session with my friends.

I've been contemplating sending my children to public school next year to give me a semester or year long break AND to give my children an opportunity to meet friends in our new town. The local homeschool group would not be a good group for my family. There are too many religious differences, the group is very structured, and the group primarily does classes. I don't need classes. We are almost always disappointed in classes that we take from homeschool parents. Either there is not enough depth in the subject offered or the instructor uses the class as an opportunity to convert my children to the instructor's religious beliefs. (Sorry to go off on a tangent.) There are a number of non-academic benefits that my children have gotten from homeschooling. One of the simplest is to treat others politely. Just because that's what friends do.