Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Guilt

I was raised by guilt.  If a B ended up on a report card, the child hadn't worked hard enough.  If a musician wasn't first chair in his/her orchestra or band, the child wasn't practicing enough.  If someone wasn't able to adjust the television antenna to produce a clear screen, that someone wasn't doing it right.  Woe to the child who couldn't find a pair of shoes for my dad when asked to get Dad's "Romeo's".  To this day, I don't know what Romeo shoes look  like.  As a child, I was always fearful of having to run upstairs and get my father something that I couldn't find. 

Current society expects people to apologize and make excuses for imagined slights, having a differing opinion, and not supporting someone's cause.  None of those examples should require an apology. Someone who is angry because the phone wasn't answered when she called is not entitled to a apology.   It isn't MY fault that I was gone....even if she thinks I was home.  I didn't do anything to hurt her.  She choose to make an incorrect assumption and felt hurt. 

When a friend's 9 year old child wants to travel to a Caribbean island and do mission work, I shouldn't have to feel guilt and apologize for not sponsoring her.  I financially support the missionaries for my church body.  I don't financially support other religious group's missions.   There are disagreements between our religions.  Does that mean that I hate my friend's child?  Her religious group?  Her right to believe as she chooses?  No! She has every right to believe as she chooses and do missionary work on behalf of her church.  Don't expect me to feel guilt for not giving money to pay for spreading her beliefs.

I finally came to the realization, after a lifetime of feeling guilty about everything, that it isn't always my fault when someone's expectations or happiness isn't fulfilled. There is enough for me to feel guilty about with my sins; it isn't necessary to feel guilt for things that aren't my fault.

The last week or so, I've been not carrying my normal burden of guilt.  I'm happier and less crotchety.  When Madelyn needed stitches, I felt sympathy for her injury and pain.  It's my responsibility to see that she gets adequate medical attention and takes her medicine at the appropriate times.  I didn't feel guilt that she was hurt.  She chose to use the scooter on poorly patched cement.  Her injuries were the result of an accident.  There was nothing that I could have done to prevent it.  This new realization is kind of liberating.  It might even help my depression.

8 comments:

Bikermom said...

Same. Loving your neighbor without guilt and not caring if your neighbor gets it or not is very freeing. Pray you can hang onto that freedom and are able to find peace day to day in Christ. Hugs.

Karen said...

Thanks for the encouragement.

Barb the Evil Genius said...

Yay! I hope you continue to see positive results.

Cheryl said...

Wow, Karen. What a profound and perceptive post. Thank you.

MaryAnn said...

Thanks Karen, it's wonderful that you can see where your guilt comes from....may you keep that freedom. We could all gain from looking inward to recognize our problems and then correcting our inner voices...difficult to do!

Susan said...

You say it like you just decided to quit feeling guilty when you realized it wasn't All Your Fault. And it worked. I'm jealous. My head knows. My gut doesn't.

Karen said...

Susan, when the voice in my head inappropriately starts down the guilt path, I remind myself to let it go. For me, making a conscious decision relieves the burden.

Barb the Evil Genius said...

Getting rid of negative thought patterns does take work, and time. Keep up the good work!