We had a rough night. Paige was up a couple of times with a high fever. Steve and Joe woke me up when they were foraging for food at 1:30am. Joe overslept and woke me up early to ask if I would drive him through his paper route. Mike's allergies were acting up, so he snored a lot and I wasn't able to tune him out. I should be sound asleep. Instead, my mind is spinning.
The kids and I caught glimpses of the Winter X Games throughout the day. The athletes are agile and incredibly brave to try the amazing tricks that they have mastered. Throughout the competition, I kept thinking that I could never even try to do any of those stunts. After a little more contemplation, it struck me that 25-30 years ago, I WOULD have tried scary (stupid) tricks. Why not any longer?
Obviously some of the reasoning is that there are many people who depend on my being around and physically able to care for them. Being more aware of the potential consequences of a fall also contribute to my loss of daring. But, where has the thrill of challenging myself with new, exciting, and potentially dangerous actions gone? I've become boring. Too much over-thinking of every possible consequence is getting in the way of a more interesting life. It's time to start taking more risks and letting myself make mistakes.
There are still many people depending on me, so I won't be snowboarding down half-pipes on the side of a mountain any time soon. Instead, there will be a more focused effort to make myself go outside my comfort zone on a regular basis. Even small things like attending gatherings with people I don't know would create a small challenge. But there is a unique thrill with conquering a physical challenge. Physical challenges make me feel empowered and strong. Overcoming a physical challenge usually motivates me to face other challenges. Maybe I will go snowboarding with the kids tomorrow and try the 8' jump.
***After re-reading this blog entry, I can almost hear Ms Frizzle say, "Take chances...make mistakes."