Susan at Susan's Pendulum talked about her return into the work force and how her job as a stay at home mom was harder. Her paid job is easier and more socially acceptable. Each week, she is rewarded with a paycheck, adult conversation, and completed tasks. Reading her post started me thinking.
I've been in a funk for quite awhile about my vocation as a stay at home mom. Being at home with my children, teaching them, helping them to make good decisions, worshiping with them and guiding them throughout their day is important and I used to love it. Right now the thought of getting out of the house and being around adults who don't keep asking endless questions and requiring my attention sounds lovely. The extra money would also be welcomed around here.
It's not the right season in my life to be gone for substantial hours each day, nor is sending all the kids off to public school and giving me some time alone practical. Most of my struggle stems from my sinful nature, coveting what I don't have. It is lonely to rarely speak with an adult. Mike cannot supply all my needs for adult conversation. I am weary of washing, folding, and ironing endless loads of clothing. Washing another sink full of dishes has lost its appeal. And several years ago, I learned that I no longer enjoy cooking.
These were all tasks that I used to do with enjoyment each day. Where has the joy in my life for daily tasks gone? Why do I feel the need to escape? Why do I yearn for quiet? My children are not monsters. They are normally well-behaved and kind. They do their share of the household chores. The house is easily picked up and clean in less than an hour. Still I am unsatisfied with my vocation.
There are other stressful things happening right now. My mom's health is still precarious. The cost of gas and the accompanying increase in food prices are taxing our budget more than we like. Still, God has and continues to provide all that we need. I have no reason to complain.
Anyone with suggestions and ideas for things that have helped them are welcome to share. These are my limited thoughts. The weather is getting more pleasant and I'm planning on spending more time outside this summer. Being more physically active will help me feel better. I'm also considering some major changes to our homeschool style next year, even though this year worked fairly well for the children.
2 comments:
I know how this feels I've been in this feeling for years some years more than others. I just am finishing up the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and it has helped me to be thankful even in the small things. My daughter and I are getting ready to read The Way HOME by Mary Pride in hopes that it will help us to find our place in the home. I know for me I don't want to go out and work there is to many temptations I know I could fall into it's not worth the little money I could make it's safer for me to stay home. I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this. If you decide to read a book I'd love to know which one and what you think of it you never know what might help.
Your sister in Him
Holly
I've been thinking about you a lot, but I don't really have any answers to your questions. I'm in a different place because of my mental illness. I'm glad to stay home; crowds and lots of noise stress me out too much anymore. However, I'm glad I am not homeschooling any more. The girls were not really on board with it and it made homeschooling a lot more difficult.
You sew lovely things. If you have a feel for what is popular right now, you could probably make a little extra money on etsy or ebay. I'm trying to do that myself.
Lastly, just seeing how messed up some of the poor kids are that are at school with my daughters has reinforced in me their need to have me home giving them care and love.
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