Fort Wayne Letterboxing

I managed to sneak away on Wednesday and do a little letterboxing with my good friend Melinda. We haven't seen each other since October! Life keep getting in the way whenever we planned to see each other.

We decided to drive down to Fort Wayne, IN. It was one of the few places where neither one of us has boxed yet. Before reaching Fort Wayne, we located a few boxes in Angola. There are four boxes in a public library in Fort Wayne that we decided to find next. We planned on taking about 30-45 minutes to find the boxes. It took longer.....a lot longer. Two of the boxes were easy to locate. The other two boxes were hidden in the stacks. I won't say how long it took us, but it was A LOT longer than it should have taken.

Fortunately, the library was fabulous! I loved the set up and the creativity that went into the design of the facility. They have tons of resources and books. It reminded me how much I miss the library in our former city.

This is the reading tower for children between the ages of 7 and 12. My children would have loved finding a cubby and reading in the tower.

This globe is inspiring. It's huge! I hope that someday I can take my children to spend an afternoon here. They would love it!

After finally locating all the boxes, Melinda and I decided to head back. We managed to try and collect a few boxes on the way home. One box was missing, but the other box was in a beautiful cemetery. We drove past a few more boxes on our way home. We'll have to head back soon to get those. Maybe we will be able to plant some boxes also. It was a wonderful day filled with laughter, silliness, and conversation. Just what I needed.

Kindness

A couple of days ago, I received an unexpected card in the mail. A lovely woman who reads my blog sent me a beautiful note which really brightened my day. It's been hectic around here the last few months and I've been feeling like I'm stranded on an island in the middle of a large ocean. I can't express how touched I was by her thoughtfulness. She also sent a generous check with instructions to buy a treat for our family or do something fun.

We spent a happy hour trying to come up with an idea that everyone liked. Mike came home and suggested that we try to spread the treat as far as possible. Thursday night, we bought marshmallows and roasted them around a bonfire in the backyard. The fire was rather bright at one point, so everyone made puppet shadows on the side of the house. Allie didn't get the idea right away and tried to act out her idea like she does when playing charades. Then, we told ghost stories for over an hour. We considered singing songs, but didn't want to wake up the sleeping neighbors.

Last night, we rented a movie for the family and cooked popcorn. The kids brought their blankets down from their bedroom and spread them out on the family room floor. The movie wasn't my personal favorite, but the kids laughed out loud and I enjoyed watching them snuggle up on the floor together.

The kids are making lists of ideas for the remainder of the money. It should be a blast.

Opinionated or Boorish?

Ever been in a group of people and discovered that one person over-rules everyone's opinions? This has happened frequently to me of late. Many of my friends are passionate about their beliefs and decisions. As an opinionated person, I understand strong views. Where is the line between a conversation about different viewpoints and a lecture by someone who believes that any other outlook is WRONG.

Many choices that families and individuals make about how they will live their lives, raise their children, spend their money are not necessarily right or wrong. They are a matter of opinion and priorities. I choose to breast feed almost all of my children for their first year. I believe that breast milk provides optimum nutrition for infants. My oldest and youngest children were strictly bottle fed. Our family situation didn't fit with breast feeding. I HAD to return to work three days after our oldest was born. We had mountains of medical bills to pay and my husband didn't earn enough to cover our living expenses and the thousands of dollars in medical expenses. I had been on bed-rest for over 3 months when our youngest was born by c-section. Physically, I wasn't up to breast feeding and returning to the running of our home.

A friend recently spent over an hour telling me what I should have done so that I could have breast fed Allie. I explained the reasons for my decision, which frankly was NONE of her business. My explanation wasn't acceptable. My friend implied that Allie will be scarred for the rest of her life. The bottom line is that Allie is 6, nothing can change her feeding experience. Eventually, I walked away from my friend, leaving her angry because she hadn't changed my mind. At my age, we won't be having any more children, so does it really matter?

Two weeks ago, I ended up in an email discussion with someone, who felt that my choice to allow my daughter to attend her prom was wrong. The discussion was somewhat heated and the person emailing me used a lot of statements beginning with the phrase "When I have children old enough to attend prom, we....." This person is entitled to his thoughts about prom and appropriate teen behaviors. It's quite easy to make hard and fast rules about how you will handle things before you need to make any decisions.

It's great to think and plan how you would like to raise your children, but until you have traveled that path, they are thoughts that have never been put into practice. After we had our first child, I couldn't understand all the loud, whiny children who wouldn't listen to their elders. Then, we had Katie. My opinion changed and I mentally apologized to all those mother's who I thought were not doing things right. All my ideas were based on my very limited experience.

No one is an expert on everything. Simply having a strong belief on how things should be done, doesn't mean that everyone needs to know your feelings on everything! That's my opinion.

Ups and Downs

My family had a great time today, just not with each other. Sometimes it's good to spend time with friends. We tend to spend so much time with each other, that fresh faces, personalities, and ideas are greatly appreciated.

Kate, Steve, and Joe spent the afternoon bowling with the robotics team. They were able to meet the new members and hang out with dear friends. It should be a great year!

While the older kids were bowling, I met a dear friend from the town where we used to live. We met in a town about half way between where we each live. She has the letterboxing bug too, so we spent the time looking for letterboxes. We managed to snag several boxes. It was so much fun to visit and laugh with her again.

We saw two deer in a nature preserve. One was huge and ran away as soon as it heard us on the hiking trail. The small, fairly young deer stood and watched us as we approached. I think we walked with 10 feet of where it was standing. Beautiful creatures!

Madelyn, Allie, and Paige spent the afternoon playing with neighborhood friends. They haven't had a lot of time to play lately, so it was a great afternoon for them as well.

Unfortunately, Mike was ill today, so he spent most of the day sleeping. At least with everyone out of the house, it was quiet enough for him to get a good rest.

At church today, I learned that the pastor wants to move the traditional worship service to early in the morning. He plans to have a folksong service at 10:30 and a contemporary service with a praise band Sunday evening. We are very disheartened. One of the reasons we visited this church was the traditional Lutheran service. I'm not sure if we will be joining this church after all. It was such a difficult decision to make to leave WELS and join a different denomination. We will be continuing to pray about our church dilemma.

Friend in the News

One of my dear friends is down in Colorado, meeting her son as he returns from a long stint in Afghanistan. The local television news did a segment on returning soldiers which included a photo of my friend, her son and his fiancee.

She sent me some photos and a link to the newscast. While I was watching on the link, Madelyn asked me why I was crying. My friend had such a tough year. We are all so thankful that he returned safe. (I always feel so foolish when I cry and no one understands why!)

Friendship

I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately. Friendships change over time. When my children were younger, most of my friends were moms who had kids in the same age group as my children. When I was heavily involved in a homeschool organization, most of my friends were homeschoolers. Now that my children's ages span college senior down to a 5 year old, I no longer fit any particular group.

Lately, I've been surprised by some friends that I have had for 14+ years. Our children are still involved in various activities together and I still considered them friends. Unfortunately their behavior has shown that they no longer consider me a friend or value our friendship. The women and their children have purposely excluded me and my children from participating in the activities in one group where we all are members. We have been cut off from communications that we should have received. I feel like I'm now on the outside of a junior high clique. (I just know that I have the wrong clothes and hair style.) I'm saddened that I so obviously misunderstood their feelings.

On the other hand, some women who I only got to know in the last year have made huge efforts to include my children within the same organization. They have offered rides, emailed information, and made sure that my children were included in as many opportunities as possible. These women have a wonderful sense of fun and kindness. Their conversation is uplifting and inspires me. These woman have offered their friendship in welcome ways and I enjoy the time we spend together.

My two closest friends from our old city have remained good company. They love me for who I am and accept all my flaws. When I call to cancel a get-together, I know that they understand and will not hold it against me. They inspire me to take better care of myself and to be grateful for small improvements. We share our troubles and concerns.

Many people from the church we have been visiting have been friendly and welcoming. My children were invited to a sledding party this weekend with the church youth group. I haven't observed any cliques. I'm looking forward to getting to know more people in the area and making new friends.

Friendship

It's been several months since I have taken any time to regularly converse with friends, let alone spend an afternoon visiting with one. Last week, I selfishly spent one morning and one afternoon with a friend. (Melinda, I still NEED to see you soon!) It was such a nice change.

Wednesday morning, a friend who will live 20 minutes away after we complete our upcoming move came by with her two daughters and her youngest son. Madelyn had such a good time connecting with her friends! Of course, I enjoyed chatting with a similarly-minded adult.

Watching the girls enjoy the morning together made me think about the different friends that we will leave behind. Madelyn has a variety of playmates near our current home, but none of these relationships have the uncomplicated friendship that she enjoys with her homeschooled friends. I've noticed that the neighborhood children spend a lot of time and energy competing with each other to be "top dog" in the neighborhood pack. The neighborhood children also try to control the acceptability of other friends. one girl frequently remarks that if you are her friend, you are not allowed to play with certain other children. She also threatens to punish individuals if she is not obeyed. Her parents and teachers call her a leader. She doesn't lead; she dominates.

I realize that many people consider this girl's behavior a normal stage of child development, but I disagree. Almost all of the homeschooled children of my acquaintance don't behave in this manner. They have been taught to think about other people's needs and feelings. They are taught this behavior through observing their parent's social interactions and through discussions with their parents. This is NOT to say that all children who attend traditional schools are mean dictators who try to run everyone else's lives.

It's possible that the children who treat others with respect do so because they value the time that they spend with their peers. My children don't spend 8 continuous hours with the same group of children each day. They are all involved in various activities and lessons with other children. Our home tends to be the place where the neighborhood children hang out, so we see a lot of kids everyday. But the time that is spent with friends is cherished as a special time during the day. Just as I cherish an afternoon gab session with my friends.

I've been contemplating sending my children to public school next year to give me a semester or year long break AND to give my children an opportunity to meet friends in our new town. The local homeschool group would not be a good group for my family. There are too many religious differences, the group is very structured, and the group primarily does classes. I don't need classes. We are almost always disappointed in classes that we take from homeschool parents. Either there is not enough depth in the subject offered or the instructor uses the class as an opportunity to convert my children to the instructor's religious beliefs. (Sorry to go off on a tangent.) There are a number of non-academic benefits that my children have gotten from homeschooling. One of the simplest is to treat others politely. Just because that's what friends do.